Gift-Giving

The Etiquette Grrls were decorating the Etiquette Christmas Tree in the Etiquette Flat , when the Telephone Rang. We turned down the recording of "Adeste Fideles" and answered it, only to hear a Dear Friend practically Sobbing with Desperation! "I don't know what to buy anybody," she said, "Oh EGs, whatever shall I do? I want to give My Dear Friends and Relations wonderful, marvelous, memorable presents, but I don't know where to start!" The EGs, naturally, Took Up This Task, and gave Our Friend some Insightful Tips for Gracious Gift-Giving. Dear Reader, if you are Similarly Angst-Ridden, Fear Not! The EGs have compiled our Wisdom here, for your perusal.

Don't Try to Impress People Avec Expensive Presents
Gifts are supposed to be tokens of Friendship, Appreciation, or Affection. They are not occasions to Show Off How Loaded You Are. The Etiquette Grrls remind everyone that a well-chosen, thoughtful, inexpensive little present is always nicer than an impersonal, yet pricey, gee-gaw. Just because you can send a Monogrammed Cashmere Blanket to everyone you've ever met doesn't mean you should. Rather, it means that you didn't Give a Damn about selecting individual presents for your friends. And how much you spent doesn't Make Up For That. Other Rude Presents
You should not use the occasion of Giving a Present to Make Someone Else Feel Terrible about Him- or Herself. The EGs have heard horror stories of people giving Yummy Baked Goods to Everyone in Their Social Circle except One Girl who was Slightly on the Chubby Side... who instead received a Basket of Sugar-Free, Non-Fat Candies. Behavior such as this makes the EGs want to kick people in the shins! No, for once and for all, it is a very bad idea to use Christmas as a time to Give Hints to People. The following sorts of presents are Totally Verboten: Health-Club Memberships for those who have gained a Few Pounds, the Nicotine Patch for Smokers, Self-Help Books of Any Sort, copies of Religious / Cult Texts, a Gift Certificate for a Nose Job, Hair Dye for the Prematurely Grey, etc.

Don't Only Give Things That You Want and Ignore Other People's Taste
The Etiquette Grrls love Banana Republic's clothing. But Our Mothers Don't, and it wouldn't be very nice of us to not consider that, would it? People need to Pay Attention to the People They're Shopping For! More on this below.

Loud Toys and Children
Are a Bad Combination. No matter how cute you, in some Delusional State, think it would be to have Little Becky serenade you all with the Wee Accordion you saw in Crate & Barrel, think of her Poor Parents. And Their Neighbors. The EGs think children should be given Quiet Presents, like Dolls and Books and Board Games.

So, What Should You Give?
The Etiquette Grrls believe that with a little effort and a few shopping trips or sessions online, you'll be able to take care of everyone with ease. You absolutely do not need to be the Heir to a Giant Fortune to give Wonderful Presents! The key is, simply, that you must put some Time and Thought into this. The EGs love handmade gifts (and, indeed, plan to give a few this year), and we have a few suggestionsAre you a Good Baker? Then you can always Whip Up a Few Batches of Yummy Cookies, or some Wee Loaves of Bread, etc., wrap them prettily, and give them to your friends. Everyone loves Baked Goods, particularly buttery, chocolaty, sugary Baked Goods. Under no circumstances should you make Baked Goods that APPEAR to be buttery, chocolaty, sugary Baked Goods but are actually margarine-laden, carob-flavored, Nutrasweet-ened Baked Goods. Ugh! That's almost as bad as giving Non-Alcoholic "Wine"!

Are you a Crafty Sort? (Arts and Crafts, we mean, not Conniving. The EGs hope, Dear Reader, that you are not Conniving.) Perhaps you could make earrings or Pretty Barrettes, etc. However, the EGs implore you, make sure a present you make is actually appropriate for the person to whom you are giving it. In other words, it's Rather Rude to give Pierced Earrings to your friend who does not have Pierced Ears, even if you make them yourself. Similarly, on the Baking Front, if you KNOW someone is allergic to, say, nuts, do not give them Nut Bread, even if your Nut Bread is the Best Nut Bread in the World.

If you're not quite At Home in the Kitchen or, say, at the Jeweler's Bench, or perhaps you're Caught Up in a Swirl of Holiday Festivities and simply haven't the time, you still have plenty of Lovely Options.

Accessory Gifts
Have you ever noticed, Dear Reader, that sometimes people tend to have the Main Items necessary for Something They Enjoy, but not a lot of the Little Things that can make a Hobby Lots of Fun? If you know someone like that, then, by all means, Give a Theme Present! Perhaps your Friend truly enjoys a Martini. Surely your Friend has Gin already (don't we all?) and Enough Vermouth, but you might shop for Martini Accessories. Perhaps Nice Cocktail Picks would be in order, with a jar of Big Damn Olives. You get the Idea, Dear Reader.

Books: The New and Used Varieties
The Etiquette Grrls love to give Books, Dear Reader! We particularly enjoy finding the Perfect Book to give a Dear Friend. And some of our Best Finds have been in Secondhand Book Shops, or, most conveniently, online at www.alibris.com or the out-of-print section of Barnes and Noble's online shop. Does a friend collect, say, Vintage Etiquette Books or Vintage Bar Guides? (Not that the EGs are Dropping Hints or anything, Dear Readers.) Chances are you could Pick Up a Lovely Little Volume or Two for Quite a Small Price, and the Etiquette Grrls would Bet Money that the recipient will not receive the same present from Anyone Else! (And, Dear Reader, you just can't say that about, say, those Wretched Old Navy Vests. Even the EGs will probably end up with a few of those, we're sorry to say. Sigh.) If you go the New Book route, do try to find something Un Peu Unusual (yet still, of course, suiting the recipient's taste). It's so much nicer than simply grabbing the latest John Grisham from the table at the front of the store.

Vintage Finds
If you live near a Good Flea Market or a town known for Antique Stores, you will have a terrific time shopping! Every time the EGs go in an Antique Shop, we find a Perfect Little Something for a Dear Friend! Once, we even found Official Preppy Christmas Cards--licensed by the Preppy Handbook! And we've bought no end of Table-top Lighters, Funky Old Advertisements that we could then Have Framed, and even some Sheet Music for Keen Old Songs that made a swell gift for a Musical Friend! Furthermore, Dear Reader, there is always the Trav-L-Bar, also--perhaps more of a Splurge than some things, but for the Right Person, a Perfect Gift.

May I Give People Money?
While Nice, Tidy, Little Checks or a Crisp Stack of Bills are always welcomed by Teen-aged, College-aged, and even Grown-Up Children, such gifts should only be given to one's Children, Grandchildren, Godchildren, etc. Monetary gifts to Young Children are best in the form of Savings Bonds and the like, which may be given directly to the Youngster's Parents, to be used for The Wee One's College Fund. Above all, one should not go around doling out $50 bills to One's Roommates, Friends, Boss, etc., as this is Un Peu Tacky, to say the least.

How to Accept a Gift
With Thanks, of course. Even the most Angst-Ridden Teen should attempt to smile pleasantly and Offer Thanks when Grandmama presents her with Pink Angora Mittens. You must simply forgive poor Grandmama for not noticing that you have Gone Goth and have worn nothing but the Deepest, Darkest, Most Melancholy Shades of Black for six months now. Furthermore, you must write her a Thank-You Note (which, incidentally, must not be on Black Paper and Blood-Red Ink).

An Excess of Largesse
Occasionally, the Etiquette Grrls have encountered Over-Gifters. There always seems to be one person in every office who Takes It Upon Him- or Herself to distribute presents to everyone. While the EGs love True Generosity, we feel that most of the time, this sort of behavior is more in the category of Brown-nosing or, worse, Making Everyone Else Look Bad (not to mention Feel Guilty). No, it is not necessary for you to go around, in a Santa Claus hat, distributing presents to your co-workers on the day before the office is due to Close for Christmas. Everyone will be Guilt-Stricken because they did not get you anything... and then, their Guilt will Give Way to Anger that you have perhaps Made Them Look Like Selfish Cheapskates. Similarly, if your office has a Secret Santa type gift exchange, you must uphold the Spending Limit. Even if you consider the $5 limit Pocket Change, you will Look Really Silly if you clearly exceed it and give someone a Palm Pilot.

The Final Touches
Lastly, Dear Reader, you should consider how you wrap your present. Much as run-down shoes and a bad handbag can Ruin Your Entire Appearance, Shoddy Wrapping can Seriously Detract from A Nice Gift. You should learn how to wrap neatly (this takes practice, but it is Very Easy once you get the hang of it), so that the wrapping paper does not Sag. You should use small pieces of invisible tape, never An Entire Roll (not only does this look Extremely Messy, but it makes The Present damned difficult to open), and never, under any circumstance, masking or duct tape. You should take care to select a ribbon that looks pretty with the paper you are using, and you should allot a generous amount to each package-never Skimp on either paper or ribbon. (The Etiquette Grrls, incidentally, are partial to Real Ribbons, which are perhaps un peu expensive, but which are also Beautiful and Reusable--by the recipient of the Gift, that is…you may NOT ask for wrappings back after you have given a gift!!!--and which add A Lot of Pizzazz to any gift.) If you find that perhaps you are the teeniest bit Klutzy when it comes to wrapping presents, Dear Reader, fear not! Over the past several years, there has been a Proliferation of Beautiful Gift Bags, and these are available in Every Size Imaginable. Fill a bag with pretty tissue paper that matches, leave a few edges poking out Jauntily, pop in your gift, and presto! See how easy that was, Dear Reader?

We hope this has been helpful, Dear Reader! If you have any questions which we have not covered here, do let us know, and we will try to tackle them in Our Weekly Q&A Column. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!