The Etiquette Grrls' Q & A Archive: February
2002
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Just about a month ago this website was featured
in the Orange County Register. My mom had pointed out the
article to me. I was happy to see that there was a source I could
go to with any questions on how to behave like a proper young lady.
Now that I have read your tips on-line and in the news paper article,
I would like to know if you have written a book on this important
subject. My mother and I are very interested in reading a book written
by the creative minds behind the website.
Thank you,
Alissa
Dear Alissa,
Why, thank you for asking! In fact, as many of
our Long-Term Dear Readers know, the EGs do have A Book. It's called
Things You Need to Be Told, and it should be available
at Your Local Bookstore, as well as on Amazon.com.
Gee, the EGs Really Love it when our Dear Readers
allow us to Promote Our Book Gracefully! How Keen! Tee hee!
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I have an etiquette question in regards to my
appearance at a funeral. I normally wear neutral colored makeup
but am wondering if it would be more proper to wear none. Also,
I wonder if my hair should be pulled back? It's blonde, layered,
and stylish, but I don't want to appear like I was worried about
my hairstyle (if that makes sense). Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.
A Concerned Mourner
Dear Concerned Mourner,
We think it's Quite Considerate of you to take
Such Great Pains with Your Appearance at a Funeral. You would not
believe what the EGs have seen at Wakes and Funerals. Sequins! Concert
T-Shirts! Exposed Midriffs! Sneakers! Makeup that belongs on a Chorus
Girl! Tevas! Baseball Caps! Now, for Heaven's Sake, boys, even if
you Refuse to Listen to the EGs and Take Off the Damn Baseball Caps
Indoors, if you have Any Shred of Decency at all, you must take
them off when in the Presence of Bereaved Friends and Relatives,
not to mention the One Who Has Passed On! But we digress.
Dear Reader, of course you don't want to look
as if you Woke Up at the Crack of Dawn and spent the whole day having
your Hair and Makeup Done. Elaborate Up-Dos, Ostentatious Barrettes,
having "RIP Grandma" shaved into your hair, etc., are
all a Bit Much. However, it is a Sign of Respect to The Deceased,
and to his or her Family, to be carefully dressed and groomed. That
means you must look Polished, Dear Reader. A layered, stylish haircut
can look Quite Polished, while a Ponytail can look Quite Sloppy.
It's all in How You Style it, Dear Reader. We would say go for a
Sedate, Classic look, avoiding Anything Trendy. Neutral makeup would
also probably be fine. If you normally wear it, it might look as
if you'd come Straight from the Gym, or had Slept Through Your Alarm,
or something, without it. As long as you go easy, avoiding anything
Sparkly, Bright, or Obvious, you should be Perfectly Fine.
As ever,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear EGs,
My birthday is coming up. I invited several of
my friends for a charming evening of fine food and company to celebrate.
However, one of my invitees has recently become a pain in the arse.
(Sometimes a difficulty arises between friends suddenly.) Is there
a way I can de-invite my arse-like friend? He does not know many
of the other guests, so it is unlikely they would speak to him.
I don't want to jeopardize the whole friendship. I just want to
spare my other guests the new-found tension.
Birthday Girl
Dear Birthday Girl,
Hmmm. Yes, the EGs hear you that sometimes a Difficulty
Arises Between Friends, but we don't think there's a Nice Way to
Un-Invite Someone. We don't know the source of the Tension You Fear,
but might it not be possible that he would either 1) Send His Regrets,
if he feels as you do; or 2) Attend and Behave Like an Adult? If
you really feel he's likely to Be a Jerk, we think you should sit
down and discuss his recent Asinine Behavior well before the party.
If he needs a Stern Talking-To, give it to him! He'll probably be
All Bent Out of Shape, and Not Come to the Party, or he'll Wise
Up and be Forever Grateful to you for telling him to Shape Up. Either
way, Your Problem is Solved.
Best of luck, and best wishes for your Upcoming
Birthday,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I'm 34 and getting married for the first time.
My fiancé is 37 and this is also his first marriage. We've
accumulated LOTS of stuff over the years. We don't need a bunch
of towels, dishes, etc. We need cash or gift certificates. What's
the best way to let gift-giving well wishers know in advance, tactfully?
The Intended
Dear The Intended,
Gee, are the EGs experiencing Déjà
Vu? Anybody else heard this question here before?
For those new to EGs.com, we'll Repeat Ourselves.
Dear Reader, there's No Way In Hell to do what you propose in Any
Tactful Manner. Yes, you heard the EGs correctly: NO WAY IN HELL.
And that, Dear Reader, is That.
Very truly yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
How do you feel about Hair Club for Men? Or need
I say how about silver Hair Club for Men? Wouldn't bald be better?
Desperate for Your Opinion
Dear Desperate,
Huh? Why would the EGs Know Anything about Hair
Club for Men? The only type of Clubs for Men we're aware of are
Swanky, Cigar-and-Scotch sort of Places, like the Duquesne Club.
We like those An Awful Lot. Hair Club? Sorry, we Haven't the Foggiest.
With best wishes,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I would ask that you consider my Internet nickname;
many people have commented on its unsuitability for business use,
and some people have been offended by it, so I ask for your esteemed
opinion. In my defense, I would like to point out that I use this
in the strictest sense of the English language, "slut"
referring to one who is promiscuous (and no, that does *not* mean
sexually), and "net" clearly means "Internet."
I acquired the name when someone said that I would "e-mail
absolutely anybody," and it has remained that way ever since.
Might I have your opinion?
Thank you for your time, ladies,
NetSlut
Dear NetSlut,
Oh, Dear Reader. Dear, Dear, Dear, Dear Reader.
Sigh. The EGs are wondering if perhaps you are Un Peu Masochiste,
in asking for the EGs' Opinion of Your Nickname. But you have asked,
and we shall answer.
While the EGs, given Our Backgrounds in English
Literature, appreciate those who Take the Time to Analyze the Meaning
of their E-mail Address, UserID, etc., we think that Just Because
You CAN come up with a Rational Explanation of why it might be Okay
to Call Yourself "NetSlut," it doesn't mean you SHOULD
do so. Especially in a Business Context! Call the EGs crazy, but
we Don't Imagine that people at Other Companies whom you might e-mail
at Work will instantly think, "Ah! Yes! By 'Slut' she simply
means Promiscuous! What a Clever, Bright Young Thing!" If the
EGs got e-mail from someone calling themselves NetSlut, chances
are we'd trash it avec all the Other Spam we receive. That's simply
Reality, Dear Reader. Why would you want the word "slut"
associated with you in any context? Oh, Dear Reader, clearly you
have a Keen Mind-- can you not find a nickname that is Clever and
Daring yet Not Offensive or Completely Misleading to 90% of Your
Correspondents? We'll leave you to Think About That.
Yours truly,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
As part of a class assignment, I created a resume
and posted it on some online job search sites. I have been offered
some interviews by employers searching this site. The problem is,
I am lucky enough to already have a job that I enjoy very much and
I intend to keep this job until I graduate. However, when I graduate
in 14 months, I will need another job.
My professor has encouraged me to interview with
these companies anyway, to see if I can get a better offer than
what I'm doing now, and to gain more interview experience. This
is where I need the Etiquette Grrls' sterling advice.
Is it rude to go to an interview when I don't
really intend to take the job unless they have a fabulous offer
for me? How do I tactfully alert the interviewer to the fact that
I can't just drop everything and start working for them? What do
I say if they want to hire me, but I don't want to work for them?
Not Quite a Job-Seeker
Dear Not Quite a Job-Seeker,
We think there's something to what Your Professor
says. If the Potential Employers contact you, they're the ones who
are interested in Talking to You, and we don't think you're doing
anything wrong in going to the Interview to learn about the company,
learn about Interviewing, and to see if, by some chance, they do
have a Fabulous Offer. You never know, Dear Reader! During the Interview,
they'll probably say something like, "So, what kind of job
are you looking for?" You can respond, "I'm very interested
in jobs in the _______ industry. As you may have noticed on my resume,
though, I'm in School right now and need to have a job that works
with My Class Schedule. I was really intrigued when you contacted
me through Monster.com-- I've heard a lot about Your Company-- so
I wanted to learn about the Job That's Open." If it looks as
if it couldn't possibly be a Good Fit for you, Dear Reader, but
you like the Company and want to keep a Foot in the Door, we'd Be
Honest about this. "It sounds as if you're looking for someone
to work Full-Time... if I weren't taking a full load of Classes,
I'd be very tempted. Perhaps I could touch base with you closer
to My Graduation to see if you might have any openings then?"
We wouldn't, however, start submitting Your Resume for Particular
Jobs. That would imply that you're Actively Looking to Change Jobs,
and thus would be Un Peu Dishonest. However, if the Company contacts
you, and you're up-front with them about Your Current Situation,
it's Perfectly Okay if you Go Through with the Interview. Should
you get an offer, despite your Being Clear to them about Your Needs,
simply refuse it politely, and blame School.
Best wishes,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Hi. I really do love your site. You have a huge
following with all of my friends at home.
I am an Australian expat living in Boston. Every
now and then I feel like an innocent abroad as the etiquette rules
seem to differ slightly. It would really be appreciated if you could
clear some of these things up.
I was puzzled to be told of a registry for a birthday
party the other day. I know that you girls do not approve of them
but I feel that I will look like an ignorant foreigner if I do not
respond with something from the list. What do you recommend?
Also how should one respond when somebody asks
me in a mock Crocodile Hunter voice to "throw a shrimp on the
barbie"?
Worse, what to do when someone asks me to say
something because I sound "cute"?
Thanks a million,
Innocent Abroad
Dear Innocent Abroad,
The EGs are Shocked and Saddened that residents
of Boston-- usually a Rather Polite and Proper City-- have stooped
to Such Faux Pas! We apologize on Boston's behalf, Dear Reader!
Clearly, since EGL has been Under the Weather, All Hell has Broken
Loose! At any rate, Dear Reader, none of these things is polite,
anywhere, and you are Quite Right to be Annoyed. For the Love of
All Things Holy, when the hell will people stop with these Greedy,
Unnecessary Registries?!? If someone registered for Their Birthday
Party, the EGs would think twice about Attending It at all! The
best option is to Ignore Its Existence, if you really wish to give
this Greedy Person a Gift. If the Birthday Boy or Girl is Miffed,
that's Not Your Problem.
Regarding your other questions, we understand
it must Get Tiresome, but we think the best option would be to try
to inject a Bit of Humor. You might respond to the "shrimp
on the barbie" person with, "Only if you actually go Pahk
a Cah in Hahvahd Yahd." And to someone who says you sound "cute,"
we'd recommend a response like, "Oh my God! You've NOTICED!
My Entire Country only Talks This Way to Sound Cute to Bostonians!"
We're so glad you like our site, Dear Reader...
and we're thrilled to have so many Dear Readers in Australia!
All best,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Need your help on this EGs!!! Saturday evening,
my husband and I went to an exclusive (read expensive) restaurant
where we always go for special occasions. Another couple (my husband's
best friend and his girl) went with us even though I wanted to spend
a nice quiet elegant evening with hubby. (that is another story
in itself). Anyway, the other couple ordered rack of lamb and when
they had finished cutting the meat off of the rack, proceeded to
pick up the bones and strip them with their teeth! I was SOOO mortified
that I had to get up and go into the bar to have a cigarette. I
did not even want to return to finish my dinner. Am I being a #($*%?
My husband agreed that it was tacky to say the least but I have
told him that no way do I EVER want to go to a restaurant with these
people again (unless it is a rib joint - ha! ha!) Please tell me,
am I unreasonable? Thanks for your help!!!
N.
Dear N.,
Eeeeeewwwww! Let's just Set the Record Straight--
one does not Gnaw On Bones, unless one is a Dog! You are not Being
Unreasonable! The EGs wouldn't want to sit through another meal
with These Boors, either. (Even if it were at a Rib Joint. If it's
gross to watch them eating at a Nice Restaurant, can you imagine
what they might do to Ribs?) Perhaps you could stick to meeting
them for Coffee or Drinks or Ice Cream.
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Hello...is it appropriate to leave an empty food
platter containing crumbs in one's office for a couple days?
Curious
Dear Curious,
Um... No. Why would one want to?
Yours truly,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dearest Etiquette Grrls,
Please tell me how I can let a co-worker know
that I no longer wish to be joined by her in the lunch room at the
office? Her manners are quite rude! She can't quit flapping her
fat jaws long enough to eat her lunch. I don't wish to see her partially
chewed lunch in her big mouth! How gross! Please help!!
Grossed Out
Dear Grossed Out,
We'd simply change the time we ate lunch, and
thus Avoid Her. The other options would be to have lunch At Your
Desk, or Go Out. Eventually she'll probably Get the Hint. Hmm, we
wonder if you've encountered one of N.'s Friends With the Poor Table
Manners.
Yours sincerely,
The Etiquette Grrls
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