The Etiquette Grrls' Q & A Archive: March
2002
Dear EGs,
I simply Adore your Highly Informative site and
Look Forward to the New Q&A every week.
Often, on the Route I use to Drive to School,
a Funeral Procession will Impede My Progress. As a child, I remember
my Grandmother Pulling The Car To The Side Of The Road while the
Procession Passed.
My Question is - Is One Supposed to Pull Over,
out of Respect for the Dead? Or does one merely Wait until said
Procession has Passed and Complete ones Drive? Or does one just
Keep Driving Normally, Ignoring the Procession as Many of My Fellow
Commuters Do? Is there Road Etiquette for Such a Situation? Your
Input is Highly Appreciated.
Graciously,
Respectful
P.S. I Can't Wait for Book 2.0.!
Dear Respectful,
First, thank you for your Kind Words about Our
Site.
Yes, it is Respectful to Pull Over for a Funeral
Procession. However, it is as much a Practical Matter as a Matter
of Etiquette. Funeral Processions are allowed to go through Red
Lights, so that the group's progress toward the Church or Cemetery
is Unimpeded. There may be Relatives from Out of Town driving in
the Procession, and they absolutely MUST be able to Keep an Eye
on the Car in Front of Them! So if you're coming the other way and
have a Green Light, no matter what kind of Hurry You're In, you
must simply Hold Your Horses and let them pass. You are also not
allowed to "Cut In" to a Funeral Procession. If you're
pulling out of Your Driveway or a Parking Space and a Cortege is
Going By, you'd better Sit Tight. You're also not allowed to Floor
It and attempt to Pass the Entire Procession. This is Quite Rude.
As for simply pulling over and stopping, we think
this is fine, if it is done safely and the Local Traffic Laws permit
(or require) it. You probably wouldn't want to Stop if you were
on a Major Highway and a Funeral Procession came along, especially
if there is no Emergency Lane. (Usually, though, we think they avoid
Big Highways for This Very Reason.) Sometimes, stopping is impossible
without making a Big Deal of it (for example, if you're in the left-hand
lane waiting to make a left turn, and a Funeral Procession approaches,
you probably couldn't maneuver your car over to the side of the
road safely). If this is the case, simply stay where you are.
Yours truly,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Today I was in a patisserie ordering some petit
fours to go. While I was ordering, this older woman was practically
on top of me, right in my personal space. There wasn't even anyone
behind her. (Not to mention I'm six months pregnant and really need
some breathing room as it is.) Anyway, as I went for my wallet in
my purse to pay, the old bat says to me, "Watch it, your elbow
hit me." Can you believe it? I swear she was breathing down
my neck the whole time.
I badly wanted to tell her maybe if she stepped
back a few inches my elbow wouldn't be hitting her. Instead I said,
"Oh, yes, maybe if we weren't so squished together in here."
(Trying to let her know in a nice way she was standing way too close
to me.) Was there a better way I could have handled this? Arghh!!
I wish I could have given her a piece of my mind. I hate when I
have a delayed reaction.
Annoyed and Appalled
Dear Annoyed and Appalled,
The EGs absolutely HATE people who Intrude upon
Our Personal Space! Step the hell back! However, Dear Reader, we
probably would have handled the situation very much as you did.
The EGs are big on Respecting Our Elders, and we have to say, we
probably would have given the woman the Benefit of the Doubt. Perhaps
she cannot see well, and can't judge distance, or something. It's
not nice of her to Be Nasty to You, but what you said was perfect,
Dear Reader-- we wouldn't have said or done anything more. Now,
if it had been Some Young Hooligan intruding upon Our Personal Space,
we would have employed the Icy Glare (always helpful) and, quite
Emphatically, taken One Step Away.
With best wishes,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Grrls,
I have a thirteen-year-old son who has decided
to dress nicely--in large part because he has discovered this is
a harmless way to annoy his friends and teachers.
For example, on "free dress days" at
his parochial school, while the other children dress in jeans, he
wears a jacket and tie to school.
I want to applaud--at least he doesn't dye his
hair or pierce his body. But recently he was sent to the school
counselor for being disruptive--he was wearing a coat and tie! Honest--the
counselor and teacher agree this was all he did.
Except that he has an ascot that he likes to
wear around the house (courtesy of his mother, bless her), his clothes
aren't really Over the Top--but this is the West Coast, where none
of my coworkers ever wear ties (for my part, I will admit that I
have occasionally worn a bow tie to work, also for the attention
it gets).
I don't want to drive him to worse behavior.
But my wife and I fear we are creating a monster, albeit a well-dressed
one. Do we steer him toward more casual (but still appropriate)
teenage clothes, or do we trust that eventually he will acquire
some more refined fashion sense? Is this, perchance, a phase either
of you went through?
Beau Brummel's Dad
Dear Mr. Brummel the Elder,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "Worse behavior"? Than
Dressing Up for School? Oh, my goodness, Dear Reader, surely you
jest! What would be worse, having a Clean Room? Turning in Homework
on Time? Having Neat Penmanship?? Let us try to understand-- your
son voluntarily Wears a Coat and Tie to school, and you want us
to tell you how to STOP him? The EGs wouldn't change a THING about
your son-- in fact, we wish there were more Young Gentlemen Like
Him! He sounds like a wee version of Sebastian from Brideshead Revisited
(one of the EGs' Very Favorite Books). But We Digress. In this sad
day and age of Students Packing Heat at School, what in the world
is his teacher doing sending him to the counselor because he's Well-Dressed?
Oooooh, Heaven Forbid! He probably just looks More Professional
than the teacher, who is jealous. And if he is only doing this as
a Method of Annoying People (who, in our opinion, probably Deserve
to Be Annoyed, if this strategy works), then we still think he is
Pretty Damn Clever!
We wouldn't, of course, wish to see the Young
Man wearing Formal Attire (e.g., a Dinner Jacket) to School, or
to let him run around in a Doublet and Hose, or some such getup,
but just wearing a jacket and tie to School is Commendable! Plenty
of boys at Schools with Dress Codes do it Every Single Day, and
they look Really Spiffy! If Dressing Nicely, in a Respectful Manner,
is a Phase, then the EGs have been in it Since Birth, Dear Reader,
and it's hardly Done Us Harm. If the child's attire really Bothers
You, perhaps you might consider sending him to a Nice Boarding School
Back East, where he'll probably thrive.
Most sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear EGs,
From what I understand, the EGs' parties are so
fabulous that anyone would be crazy to send their regrets. However,
do you have any solutions for invitees who are too lazy/indecisive
to RSVP for a party?
Thanks!
Clueless About My Guest Count
Dear Clueless,
If you want to take Rather Draconian Measures,
you could 1) Never Invite Them Again and 2) Not Let Them In if they
do show up sans RSVPing. However, you probably are looking for a
More Reasonable Solution. We'd probably mention the Lack of an RSVP
in conversation, like: "Gee, Mortimer, pretty much everyone
else has RSVPed for My Dinner Party... haven't heard from you, though,
and just wanted to check that you'd received the invitation I sent."
He should Immediately Apologize, and tell you whether or not he
will come. If he gives a Vague Answer, we think you should be Firm
With Him: "Not to put you on the spot, but I really do need
to know, so I can plan my shopping and figure out who'll sit where.
Could you check your schedule and call me tomorrow morning? If I
don't hear from you, I'll just assume that you're Sending Your Regrets."
And if Dippy Mortimer forgets to call the next day, well, Dear Reader,
we'd hesitate before putting him on the Guest List Again. If he's
a close friend who just happens to have a Particular Problem RSVPing,
you could always Rap His Knuckles with a copy of TYNTBT. Put a bookmark
in the section about RSVPing, and tell him to Shape Up!
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Can you give a rundown of certain things you
should NOT do by the time you're 27? Whether it's a list of stores
in which you shouldn't set foot, (Contempo, Wet Seal, etc.) or certain
drinks you shouldn't order, we need to know! We're not old, but
we should be old enough to know better than to accept an invitation
to a keg party or wear our hair in pigtails. Please help prevent
us from making a faux pas.
Late-Twentysomething
Dear Late-Twentysomething,
Hee hee! The EGs ADORE questions like this! We
could not Agree More that there comes a time for people to Stop
Behaving Like Teenagers or College Students. Let's start with 10
things everyone who is over, say, 25 should Quit Doing. (Not that
any of them are Appropriate for Anyone UNDER 25, either, but they're
Especially Irksome when displayed by Those Old Enough to Know Better.)
You should not:
1) Wear Glitter of any sort, whether on Your
Body, in Your Nailpolish, or as a decorative element on Your Clothing.
2) Dot your i's with anything except a Simple
Dot. No Hearts, Stars, Flowers, etc.
3) Write notes, phone numbers, etc. on Your Hands.
By now, you should know that this is what Paper Is For.
4) Make a Drunken Spectacle of Yourself in Public.
It's about time to Know Your Limit, isn't it?
5) Misuse it's/its, your/you're and their/they're/there.
Unless, for some Inexplicable Reason, you're pretending to be a
Middle-School Student.
6) write your e-mail all lowercase with no punctuation
anywhere particularly if it's a business communication ... See,
isn't that Annoying? Stop It!
7) Whine. Period.
8) Set foot in Abercrombie & Fitch, Contempo
Casuals, Wet Seal, Hot Topic, Delia*s (the EGs are Restraining Ourselves
from commenting upon the annoying * in that company's official name),
or Most Department Stores' Junior Departments. Unless, of course,
you're Shopping for a Halloween Costume.
9) Know or, worse, care who is on TRL with Carson
Daly.
10) Play Drinking Games of Any Sort. There is
Nothing More Pathetic than a group of Supposedly Responsible Adults
trying to be cool by Playing Quarters.
That's just the Tip of the Iceberg, of course...
but we do need to Move On to Other Questions.
All best,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Thank you so much for all the Great Advice you've
shared on this site and in your Wonderful Book! You commitment to
making the world A Less Tacky Place is much appreciated. Here's
a problem that only comes up once a year but bugs me every time:
What is an appropriate response, on Ash Wednesday, to the question,
"What's that on your forehead?" The response that comes
to mind in "None of your Damn Business" but perhaps this
is Unduly Harsh. I'm tired of answering the question but I don't
want to be rude and I'm not comfortable discussing my Religious
Practices with anyone unknown to me personally. May I just slap
the asker? Just kidding. Mostly.
Sincerely,
Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
Tee hee, Dear Reader, if the EGs went around
Slapping Everyone who asked us Dumb Questions, we'd probably be
Pending Trial on Multiple Charges of Assault. We think it's best
to answer their question honestly-- "Those are Ashes"--
and then be On Your Merry Way. If anyone asks, "Why are they
on your forehead?" simply say, "It is Ash Wednesday today."
Try to say this in that "And No Further Questions Are Welcome!"
Tone you often hear from Nuns and Librarians-- if done correctly,
this should stop the Most Inquisitive Idiot. Of course, if you are
Driven to Desperation, you could always say something like, "It's
Eyeshadow for My Third Eye," which would probably cause most
people to leave you Well Enough Alone.
As ever,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
There are children with mullets. How could anyone
be so cruel?
Horrified
Dear Horrified,
Sadly, we know, Dear Reader-- we have seen this
With Our Own Eyes. The Poor, Poor Dears! Our Hearts Break for Them!
Let Not the Mullets of the Fathers be Visited
Upon the Sons,
The Etiquette Grrls
Uh-Oh!
SOUND THE ALARM, IT'S ANOTHER
CRANKY READER!!!!
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
You know who I think the etiquette grrls are?
Girls that never got invited to the "keg"
party and felt left out so they pretend that their parties are so
much better when really no one is talking about it the week after.
Stop being so bitter. Just because you missed
out on the typical high school/college fun days doesn't mean there
is not still hope for you. You can make fun of those parties all
you want but those are good times and YOU MISSED IT no matter how
you look at it so get over it and stop being wanna be miss manners
crabs!
The only reason i looked at this sight is in our
lunchroom at work there is a bulletin and a make fun bulletin and
your address is on the "make-fun" bulletin and people
can post their comments. You should see the list of all the funny
things people have to say about you guys. It is hilarious! Pretty
much the main theme is Get a Life
Or maybe just getting another friend besides the
two of you would help!
take it easy-
wanna be miss manners
Dear wanna be miss manners,
Such an Intriguing, Well-Written, LOGICAL Message
really deserves a Response!
1) Why is "keg" in quotation marks?
Was there not, in fact, an Actual Keg at this party (since you wrote
"'keg' party" we assume you mean there was Just One, Single
Party) that the EGs have supposedly missed out on? Just wondering.
2) We beg to differ-- our parties ARE better than
that One Unique Party at which there May or May Not Have Been a
Keg. Not to brag, but if you'd ever been to one, you'd know. Believe
us, Dear Reader.
3) There is quite a difference between "missing
out on the typical high school/college fun days" and Choosing
Not to Participate in Such Idiocy. The EGs had Oodles of Fun while
we were At School. It just happened not to involve Massive Quantities
of Beer, Trashing People's Houses While Their Parents Were Away,
and Spending More Time Passed Out than we did In Class. It was much
more fun to mix up a few G&Ts, sit by the Roaring Fire in our
Lovely Common Room, and have a Real, Sophisticated Party.
4) Hmmm. "Wanna be miss manners crabs."
We Don't Think So. The EGs love Miss Manners, but the EGs are, simply,
the EGs. We have no need or desire to be Anyone Else.
5) It's "site," not "sight,"
Dear Reader. (Those Pesky Homonyms!)
6) "A bulletin and a make fun bulletin"?
Sounds like a Very Refined, Consummately Professional Office. If
we're on the "make fun bulletin [board?]" we'd hate to
think what must be on the plain "bulletin [board?]."
7) "Getting another friend besides the two
of you would help"-- oooh, that's a Real Slam. We're Quivering
in Fear.
8) "take it easy"-- ah, yes. The traditional
way to end any Hate-Mail Message. Um, you too, Dear Reader.
9) It makes a lot of sense to Call Yourself "wanna
be miss manners" and chastise us for supposedly being just
that. How Clever!
Oh, and Dear Reader, we'd just like to thank
you for taking the time to submit all of the other equally well-written
messages within one hour last week. Was it some sort of Bizarre
Group Project? Or do you, yourself, just really enjoy sending Hate
Mail? Quite a Productive Enterprise, we must say.
Toodles,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Thank you, EGs, for the lovely work you do on
this website. You brighten my Monday mornings!
My husband's cousin had a baby a year ago. She's
very proud of it, and likes to send attachments via e-mail to huge
lists of people-- all her friends, coworkers, family, and, unfortunately,
me. We're talking 2000K here. And I have a telephone modem, unlike
some lucky folks with DSL or cable modems.
I have made two attempts to tactfully remedy
this situation:
ME: Gee, "Anna," could you show me
those pictures you sent out last week? I had to delete them from
my server since they were taking so long to download, and I never
got to look at them.
ANNA: Why, certainly! (Pulls out seventy million
prints.)
At a later date, after receiving more huge files:
MY HUSBAND: Hey, Anna, while we're at your house,
may I show you how to compress photographs that you're sending as
picture files? It doesn't change how they're viewed on the screen,
and it doesn't take nearly as long for those of us with telephone
modems to download.
ANNA: Why, sure! Please show me.
That was a month ago. More 3000K files have hit
my inbox since then.
My mother-in-law is quite adamant that I not
do anything that would hurt Anna's feelings. However, I am sure
the rest of her mailing list isn't happy about having to put aside
forty-five minutes for a download, either. And I'm getting a little
fed up, truth be told. What is left for me to do that won't cause
a family upheaval?
Thank you for whatever advice you might have!
Tactful but Tired
Dear Tactful but Tired,
Right, of course you wouldn't want to hurt Anna's
Feelings, but we think you could probably explain things to her
without being Mean. What does your Mother-In-Law have to do with
it, anyway? If hearing something This Trivial could make Anna Fly
Off the Handle, then the EGs think she has Serious Issues and should
probably spend some time Solving Them instead of Taking Digital
Photos. But that is Beside the Point. Honestly, you'd be doing a
Public Service by explaining it to her. We'd say something like
this:
"Dear Anna, You know that we LOVE
to see pictures of our nephew-- he is the most Darling Little Boy
we have ever seen. We just wanted to tell you that it's really,
truly difficult to receive the image files you e-mail to us. We
have a slow modem, and since the files are about 3 megabytes apiece,
that means it takes about forty-five minutes to download each one.
Most of the time we even have to delete the message before it finishes
downloading, because the file is simply too big, and we really hate
having to do that! Would it be terrible to ask you to send us just
one photo a week, if it's too much work to compress them the way
we showed you? Or could you send a few prints to us via Snail Mail?
Or, there are some great sites like Yahoo Photo Albums and Shutterfly.com
where you can post the photos really easily and everyone can view
them online without waiting for the big files to download. We do
so want to see the photos... we just hate to think that you're going
to all the trouble of sending them to us when we have to delete
them. Hope to see you at Aunt Edna's next Saturday. Love, Charlotte
and Bernard."
Or, if you're feeling Absolutely Non-confrontational,
there is probably a way to get your server to reject any attachment
over a certain size-- ask the Kind Tech Support Folks. You could
also get a Free E-mail Account and tell her to use that address
instead of your normal one-- then you only need check it when you
really feel like waiting around for Things to Download.
Best of Luck,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
What flowers would be appropriate to send to
my stepsister's funeral? She just died after a long illness (yes,
my husband, children and self will be attending the memorial service).
No Name
Dear No Name,
First, please accept Our Condolences; we are
very sorry for Your Loss.
It is a very nice gesture to send a Floral Arrangement
to the Funeral Home after someone has died, but this is not difficult.
Any Good Florist will be able to Steer You in the Right Direction.
Certain flowers are certainly more popular in Memorial Arrangements
than others (Lilies, for example, are frequently used), but we think
it would be lovely to pick something that is Meaningful. Did Your
Stepsister have a Favorite Flower? If not, did she have a Favorite
Color? Usually, Your Florist can incorporate things like these into
the Arrangement (provided that they're Available / In Season, of
course). Also, we definitely do not think a Floral Arrangement sent
In Memory of a Loved One needs to be Expensive or Overly Large.
Small, Simple Arrangements can be Exquisitely Thoughtful and Beautiful.
Again, we send Our Deepest Sympathies to you
and your family.
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear EGs,
What a Lovely Website! I Congratulate you both
on your Success. :)
However, I have a bit of a Situation for which
I must ask your advice. I have this Friend here at school who is
a very die-hard Religious Person. Now, I have No Problem with Religious
People, although I am not one particularly. I do attend Church occasionally
(to make My Parents happy) but have decided that Organized Religion
does not Do It for me. But I digress...The problem is that this
Friend continues to push her Religious Beliefs on me!
I have tried to tell her Politely to Move On
when she starts it in a Conversation -- of course that has Not Worked.
As well, now I am getting Those E-mails... you know, the "If
You Love Jesus Pass This On" e-mails, or ones simply Quoting
Scripture! Again, I don't fault her for Her Beliefs, but I do for
her pushiness.
Is there a Polite Way to ask her to Refrain from
sending these E-mails? I do not want to Lose her as a Friend, but
I am about to Lose my Sanity in Putting Up with this!
Many thanks in Advance :)
Getting Ticked Off
Dear Getting Ticked Off,
Arrrgh. The EGs hear you on that one. We really,
really DESPISE People Who Proselytize. Memo to Everyone Who Is Guilty
of This: IF WE ARE INTERESTED IN YOUR CHURCH, WE WILL ASK YOU ABOUT
IT. If we don't ask you, Lay the Heck Off! And if we say, "Thanks,
but I'm quite happy attending services at my own church," it
is a Polite Way of Telling You that Further Invitations Will Not
Be Necessary. Just because you've found a Church that you think
is Smashing doesn't mean Your Friends want it Forced Upon Them,
too.
We think the best thing for you to do is to Be
Direct with her. Send her an e-mail in response to one of hers and
say that while you consider her a good friend and it's clear she's
very confident in Her Beliefs, which of course you respect, you
hope she can respect that you do not wish to receive e-mails like
this. Or have a Frank Conversation with her in which you make it
clear that you don't welcome her interest in Your Salvation (or
what have you), and that if you ever become interested in Her Church,
you will Ask Her About It. "If You Love Jesus Pass This On"?
The EGs are No Theologians, but we'd be Highly Suspicious of the
Intelligence of Anybody who tried to convey something about Their
Religious Beliefs (quite a Serious Matter, in Our Opinion) via Annoying
Forwarded E-Mail. Once again, ARRRGH!
Thank you so much for your kind words about Our
Website. We're glad you found us!
Yours sincerely,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
How appropriate is a large wedding for a third
marriage?
Just Wondering
Dear Just Wondering,
Good God, Dear Reader! NOT AT ALL!
Very truly yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I just received a note from a friend stating
how nice it was to have me at her wedding, which was about 10 months
ago. She also thanked me for the forthcoming gift and assured me
her and her husband would enjoy it. Yes, I have dragged my feet,
but I also was under the impression it was acceptable to give a
wedding gift within a year following the wedding. I saw my friend
shortly after the wedding and made it clear I knew she hadn't yet
received my gift, but I wouldn't forget her. Now, I feel like a
scolded child and her expectance reduces any joy I have in giving
the gift. I like to send something personal and I do take my time,
but I've never gone over a year and I've never not sent a gift.
Is it better to send a card right away and follow when I find the
right gift to send? Or do I just resort to an impersonal registry
gift? Furthermore, I know I need to have manners in this regard,
so do I just dream about pointing out to my friend how rude it was
to remind me to send her gift or is there a tactful way to let her
know she hurt my feelings?
Un Peu en Retard
Dear Un Peu en Retard,
Okay, Dear Reader, first we need to Make It Clear
that the EGs think the "You have one year to give a Wedding
Gift" rule is A Bunch of Hogwash. What, we wonder, is so Incredibly
Difficult about selecting a Gift, even if One Takes One's Time to
find something Perfect (as one obviously should with Any Gift)?
Usually, one knows about a Dear Friend's Upcoming Wedding well in
advance, and we humbly suggest that if you for some reason feel
you need four months to Shop, you Just Get Started Early. Note that
we are Not Saying to just Pick Something Impersonal and Random from
a Registry, or anything of the sort-- we just think that Procrastination
is Never a Good Thing.
However, isn't your friend is being Quite the
Snippy Little Newlywed! We think it is Extremely Rude and Greedy
of her to send you a Gift Reminder. (Would she, perchance, be the
Sort of Bride who made you Pre-Address the Envelope for Your Thank-You
Note at Her Shower? Just Wondering.) She assured you that "she
and her husband would enjoy it"? What a Catty Thing to Say!
We think that the Best Thing that could come of this would be for
both you and your friend to Change Your Ways and become, respectively,
a Prompt Gift-Giver and an Unselfish Person. (To accomplish this,
we recommend you both read and discuss a copy of This Very Helpful
Book.)
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I have read some of the letters sent in to you,
and one particular letter caught my attention. I believe it was
the letter asking if anyone ever said the Pledge anymore. I am very
surprised that you think that some younger people don't even know
the Pledge of Allegiance. I have been saying the Pledge in school
ever since I started elementary school. I am now in tenth grade
and will continue to say it until I graduate and possibly after,
also.
Thank You Very Much,
An Informed Younger Person
Dear An Informed Younger Person,
Well, hurrah for you, Dear Young Reader! You've
made the EGs very proud indeed! We aren't saying that ALL Young
People are Rude, Ignorant, and Misguided-- we know there are plenty
of Fine, Upstanding, Bright Young Things out there. We're just saying
that, sadly, there are many Rude, Ignorant, and Misguided Youngsters,
and we're just trying to Do Our Part to Correct That.
With best wishes,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
This falls under the category of "What to
Say in Response to...?". I work part-time as a tutor, and sometimes
other tutors work with me. This week, one of the male tutors e-mailed
me to tell me I would be on my own for an afternoon. This is fine,
but in the course of two sentences he called me "beautiful"
and "hot." Now, I am not stunning, so I took this as a
joke. I replied, saying thanks for the info, and that my dazzling
beauty should simply inspire others to learn from me, therefore
I would be able to manage without his help. He replied, repeating
that I was, in fact, incredibly hot, and that my boyfriend should
agree with him. What the hell do I say? I kind of regret my earlier
joke, because now I can't really seem offended. However, I don't
want him to think he can just say things like that to a lady!! Also
intriguing is that I really don't think he would say this to my
face. This seems like a question for the Etiquette Grrls....
Thanks,
Slightly Amused yet More Offended
Dear Slightly Amused yet More Offended,
Oh, boy, do the EGs have experience with Crazy
E-Mail Mash Notes. One of us, in Graduate School, received an Absolutely
Insane, Rambling Proclamation of Affection from a Fellow Student
which caused Much Uproarious Laughter when shared avec Other Students
in her Linguistics Class. We don't know the Guy Involved, naturally,
but we think it should be Pretty Clear that One Doesn't Say Things
Like That to a Lady. We can think of several possible responses
you might give:
1) None at all. You ignore it. You deal with him
in the most Detached, Icy Manner possible.
2) "Why yes, my boyfriend probably would
agree. I'm cc-ing him on this response so he can let you know. Actually,
maybe the two of you could chat about this in person next week when
he stops by to pick me up from work on his way home from his Black-Belt
Karate Class."
3) "Joe, I thought this was a joke at first,
but now I just think it's Inappropriate. Lay Off."
4) Print Out the Exchange, sans the names from
the E-mail Headers, and Hang It Up underneath your company's Posted
Sexual Harassment Policy. Make sure Mr. Casanova Sees It, preferably
while you, and a large bunch of your coworkers, are standing next
to it, Laughing Uproariously.
We hope this helps. Of course, Dear Reader, should
he turn Really Creepy, tell Your Boss.
Yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
This letter pertains to an altercation that happened
between a friend of mine and me right after September 11. My friend
was getting married on September 14, and I was slated to travel
to Baltimore from my home in Brooklyn, N.Y., by car on Thursday
night.
Due to the following circumstances, I did not
attend the wedding. First, because of street closings, I was not
able to get to my rental car as of Thursday night (and Friday was
iffy). Taking a train to Baltimore was too expensive, and a bus
was out of the question; neither option permitted travel with a
pet, and I was not leaving my cat alone in my apartment (especially
with the smell and the smoke wafting over my apartment). Plus, everyone
and their brother was trying to leave NYC that week, so the bus
and train stations were a tad crowded. On top of all this, my parents
were strongly advising me to stay put since travel in and out of
NYC was limited at best, and they could tell how absolutely scared
out of my wits I was (I figured out later that I was passing under
the buildings on a subway when the first plane hit). The bride's
parents were already informed that I would not be attending.
The problem came with my friend when I told her
I would not be coming. She didn't think she could forgive me-- this
would be 10 times worse than when we were separated on the bus in
third grade. She mentioned that others were renting cars and driving
(finding another rental in NYC that week was next to impossible,
not to mention expensive). I tried to explain what I was going through,
that I was afraid to leave my house and how disturbing the whole
experience had been to have survived a terrorist attack, but it
was to no avail.
I have not heard from my friend since. My mother
reported that everyone who attended the wedding asked how I was
and understood my desire to not travel. The bride was the only one
without sympathy.
I can see now that it is for the best that this
ungrateful person is out of my life, but I still wanted your take
on the situation. Interestingly, any New Yorker to whom I've related
this story has been appalled; all others are just astounded at the
level of selfishness displayed at such a trying time. I don't think
bride-to-be jitters could excuse her callousness. I could see if
she was upset at losing the money for the dinner, but since I gave
her hundreds of dollars of free design work as a wedding gift, she
made out okay. I was also at her first wedding (at which she was
six months pregnant).
I love your Web site and support your efforts
at making this a more polite and refined world! THANKS!
A Reader in Brooklyn
Dear Reader in Brooklyn,
Holy Mary, Mother of God-- this girl is being
Completely Horrible!! Yes, skipping someone's wedding might be 10
times worse than getting separated on the bus in third grade, but
you were only skipping it as a Direct Consequence of the Most Horrible
Act Ever Committed on American Soil! That's a Little More Serious
than ANYTHING that could have happened while you were on the School
Field Trip to Old Sturbridge Village in 1985! What the hell is WRONG
with her?? No, Dear Reader, nothing excuses Callousness Like This.
Absolutely NOTHING. Even if others were driving down, your city
went through an Unimaginably Terrifying Event, and not everyone
deals with that in the same way! The EGs have some Dear Friends
who wanted to Get Out of Town Immediately, and felt better doing
so, and we have other Dear Friends who were Shell-Shocked, rendered
physically and emotionally incapable of leaving their homes for
Quite a While after September 11. And we understood that These Responses
(and a whole Spectrum of Others) were Totally Acceptable. Oh, Dear
Reader, the EGs' Hearts Break that anyone could be So Mean to someone
who had just lived through Such An Atrocity! For Shame!
We hope you are doing well, Dear Reader, and we
assure you that any person with the Merest Shred of Decency would
have Understood.
Most sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I have been dating a gentleman since November.
He is a nice man but certain characteristics about his personality
do not cause sparks to fly between us, I would like to have him
as a friend though. I only have been dating a short while, it has
been 18 years since I was last out in the dating world, and my how
things have changed.
M---
Dear M---,
Yes, we're certain you're right that Dating has
changed considerably over the Past 18 Years. The EGs, however, were
in Elementary School at That Time, and were more concerned with
Matters Such As Whether We Should Wear the Blue Monogrammed Cardigan
or the Green Monogrammed Cardigan with our School Uniform and If
"Supersede" Would Be on the Spelling Test.
Did you have a Question? Just Wondering if we
missed it somewhere.
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I work at a wonderful, small conservative PR firm
in Alexandria, Virginia-- a job I very much enjoy. To begin my story
let me inform you that there is only one ladies' bathroom on our
floor, which we share with the office next door. It seems that the
women in the office next door have taken to brushing their teeth
after every meal, snack, drink, and/or inevitable afternoon sugar
rush. Every single time I go in the bathroom amazingly enough there
is another female employee that I have never laid eyes on before
foaming at the mouth with toothpaste and making disgusting spitting
noises. I understand there is a need for good dental hygiene, but
if brushing your teeth a million times a day is such a necessity,
buy some dental gum, please. I find this constant foaming in a public
restroom to be THOR, I would like to launch a protest against teeth
brushing in public, but I am not sure how to do it. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Brushed Over
Dear Brushed Over,
Ugh, ugh, UGH! Brushing one's teeth after each
meal may be Good Dental Hygiene, which, of course, the EGs applaud,
but For God's Sake, do it In Private or Not At All! The Office Bathroom
is not the Dorm Bathroom! If your office had a Single Bathroom with
a Lockable Door that everyone simply shared, it might be all right,
for one could brush one's teeth out of the sight of others, but
in a Big Restroom? No way! Why would anyone want to look This Silly?
And it simply goes without saying that if one does engage in Private
Tooth-Brushing in Any Bathroom, every last speck of Toothpaste Debris
must be Rinsed From the Sink. The EGs do not want to see Nasty Spat-Out
Foam in the Basin, EVER! And let's not even talk about Flossing
while others are present! The very thought makes the EGs feel Queasy.
Our only thought, short of demanding that Your Office Move or Build
Its Own Private Bathroom, would be to print out a Copy of This Column
and tape it to the Bathroom Door.
Regards,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I would love to find some current etiquette rules
for carpooling. I am currently involved in a carpool with three
other families for the purpose of transporting our kids to and from
school. Some of the families involved have not taught their children
respect for others' time. Families are to be ready at 7 AM for morning
pick up. We have at times waited 10-15 minutes for children to come
out. In the afternoon the younger kids get out 30 minutes before
the older, so they already wait 30 minutes. Some of the older children
will not appear for 10-20 minutes. And this doesn't even begin to
describe some behavior on the commute. Please help!
Thank you!
Harried Driver
Dear Harried Driver,
All Carpools need to Make Rules. Times should
be Explicit, and Tardiness should Not Be Tolerated. You need to
have a meeting with the parents involved and bring the Current Annoying
Situation to Everyone's Attention. Keep track of Exactly How Late
each child has been over, say, a week's time, and say that Something
Must Be Done. Perhaps you could all agree that the car will arrive
to pick up children at 7 AM and leave at 7:05, with or without all
the Expected Passengers. No Exceptions. The same thing should happen
on the way home: the car will be there at 3:30 and will leave at
3:35. If anyone's child needs Extra Time for something, no matter
how Serious or Trivial, then those parents must make Their Own Arrangements.
Tell everyone that you're sorry if this sounds Un Peu Fascist, but
the children need to learn to Be Prompt. They always have the option
of Waking Up Earlier to finish Drying Their Hair or what have you.
And while you're on the subject of Car Pool Rules, you should make
it clear that Rudeness, Snippiness, Noisiness, Spilling Food, etc.,
are Not Welcome in Anyone's Car. If, after a few weeks, Dear Reader,
things do not Improve Significantly, we think it would be high time
to Find Other Families with which to Carpool.
Yours truly,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I interned at a small non-profit several months
(and 3,000 miles) ago. One of my supervisors wrote me a great recommendation
for law school, and I got into my top choice. Now I want to let
her know with a small token of appreciation. But, the office mail
is accessible and seen by everyone. Would it be rude to send a package
just to my recommender when I was very friendly with everyone (i.e.,
seven people) in the office?
Thanks for a response!
Jeanette
P.S. Do you girls do this for free? And on your
own time? If so, you should have a column on time-management!
Dear Jeanette,
Could you obtain a home address for Your Recommender,
and send the package there? Or, perhaps, simply ship the package
with a Return Address but no mention of Your Name, if you're really
concerned about others feeling slighted. However, it's not rude
of you to just send a Wee Token to One Person as a special thank-you
to her alone. If the other six people can't keep their Noses Out
of It, that's Their Problem.
Congratulations on your admission to Law School,
and we wish you the Best of Luck There!
Cheers,
The Etiquette Grrls
P.S. You're correct-- we don't get paid for Maintaining
This Site. We squeeze in the Q&A and other stuff we do for EGs.com
in between Everything Else that's going on (currently Grad School
for one of us, a Full-Time Job for the other, wedding plans, and
Writing Book 2.0). So we beg Our Dear Readers' forgiveness for the
Odd Broken Link or Typo. As for a Time-Management Column, well...
we'll put that on our list for when we have a Free Moment (probably
sometime in 2010).
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
May I ask why you never talk about the prep school
where the EGs met and from which Lesley graduated?
Nosy Parker
Dear Nosy Parker,
First, Your Facts are Un Peu In Error. We did
discuss the MacDuffie School in an article in the Springfield [Mass.]
Union-News (it is not available on the web, but we bet if you contacted
the paper, they'd send you a Copy). However, we are sure this matter
is of Absolutely No Concern to 99.99999999999999999999999999% of
Our Dear Readers, and the last time we checked, the purpose of This
Column was to Answer Etiquette Questions, not to provide the EGs'
Detailed Educational History. So that's all we have to say on That
Subject. What will People Want Next? Our SAT, Achievement, and AP
Scores? Whether we passed the President's Physical Fitness Exam??
What our Locker Combinations were??? The Classroom Number of our
Fourth-Grade Homeroom???? What Instruments We Played in the Kindergarten
Band????? There are More Important Matters to Attend To, Dear Reader.
Sincerely yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I can't agree with you more about the lamentable
trend of American men (mostly age 30 and below) who insist on wearing
baseball caps all the time, everywhere, inside or out, and often
backwards. This is a pet peeve of mine, along with the fact that
women seem not to mind and date these men anyway.
But, as if this state of affairs isn't enough,
I've noticed another one. It seems the "thing to do" amongst
young American women to not only chew gum, but to chew gum loudly
with their mouth open. I've even noticed them keeping gum in their
mouth whilst drinking alcoholic beverages (which rather defeats
the breath-freshening purpose of chewing gum in the first place,
no?).
What is to be done?
Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Lazlo
Dear Lazlo,
We haven't the Foggiest Idea why people cannot
Chew Gum avec Their Mouths Closed! We are all for the idea of having
Fresh Breath, naturally, but the Chomping, Snapping, and Blowing
of Bubbles needs to stop, STAT! The only Polite Way to Chew Gum
is to do it So Subtly that no one can tell that you are Chewing
Gum. And we think the idea of Drinking avec Gum in One's Mouth is
Just Vile. Not only does it, as you point out, defeat the breath-freshening
purpose of Chewing Gum, the flavor of your Watermelon Hubba Bubba
or Juicy Fruit is bound to sully the taste of One's Drink, which
is a Waste of Good Alcohol! (We bet these people are drinking Something
Nasty to begin with, e.g., Sour Cherry Schnapps, and not spoiling
Something Really Good, like a Nice G&T, but still, it's Vile.)
What is to be done? Well, Dear Reader, we'd probably
say that you should Choose Other Companions, or perhaps to Frequent
a Bar avec a More Sophisticated Crowd. As for the Problem Itself,
all we can say is that the EGs, and our Dear, Polite Readers, will
just have to Lead By Example. If more people see that it is stylish
Not to Look Like a Cow Chewing Its Cud, they will probably Cease
and Desist.
Similarly, we're all working on the Baseball
Cap Problem.
Cheers,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I must say that I have followed and enjoyed your
column for at least a year. Kudos to you for trying to make our
world a little bit more polite. I have a question regarding the
proper training of pets and am wondering at what point a pet's behavior
becomes impolite on the part of the owner.
I recently broke off a relationship with an otherwise
Very Pleasant Male Suitor who had two pugs. Let me put the following
comments in context: I love dogs. I am known amongst my friends
as The Girl Who Loves Dogs, and, in fact, have always had a dog.
His dogs, aside from not being my preferred "type" (being
slightly short of snout and small of stature), were (and I wish
I could think of a more tactful way to describe them) hideous creatures.
Neither of the dogs were completely housebroken
-- in the four months I knew them, they each had at least an "accident"
every single week. Not a single part of the Suitor's dwelling was
completely clean and sanitary. Furthermore, they were allowed on
all of furniture, and would spend the evening running and jumping
from couch to couch, onto and off of laps, getting fir on and scratching
people, knocking over drinks, and generally wreaking havoc. Furthermore,
the Dear Suitor lived in a condominium complex and the dogs barked
incessantly, each time a person entered or exited the building.
These dogs ripped up his belongings at will,
including, but not limited to, a part of his carpet, one of his
couch cushions, numerous socks and other miscellaneous items. Furthermore,
this Dear Suitor informed me that his biggest regret was never having
been able to teach them to come when called. This was a very unfortunate
training lapse, as one of the dogs was fairly dominant and tried
to bite whenever the conditions did not suit his fancy (for example,
if one left the condo without throwing him a treat, he would lunge
out the doorway and attempt to bite ones' hands as one tried to
scoop the him up and put him back in his home). There were other
behavioral problems (including one that was disturbingly disgusting),
but I think you probably have a fairly good understanding of what
being around these dogs was like.
I tried to discuss the dogs' behavior with Dear
Suitor, assuming, naively, that he simply did not know what behavior
one could rightfully expect from a properly trained dog. He informed
me that he enjoyed having the dogs on his lap and on the furniture,
and therefore did not want to train them to stay on the floor. He
furthermore denied that they had a housebreaking or any other behavioral
problem, asserting that all dogs have accidents.
We had an argument about his dogs after the last
time his dog tried to bite me, and, sadly, decided that we needed
to part ways. I can't help but wonder if perhaps my standards are
a wee bit high? Dear EGs, please help me. Don't sugar coat the truth
-- if I am in the wrong, please tell me so. Perhaps this is why
I am 30 and still single?
Sincerely,
Dog Lover
Dear Dog Lover,
Holy Hell! If this is how the Dear Suitor treats
his Poor Dogs, the EGs Hope to God he never Has Children! Honestly,
we think you are probably Better Off sans lui, Dear Reader -- can
you imagine Raising a Child avec This Guy? It'd be Biting Everyone,
running around Like Mad, throwing tantrums if it were not Constantly
Supplied with Candy, and wearing Diapers well into Adolescence!
Responsible Pet Owners train their Pets. The
EGs also love animals, and understand that Puppies Will Be Puppies,
for example, and Chew Things... and that Small Animals have Housebreaking
Problems... and that Elderly Animals have Their Own Issues as well.
All of this is to be Expected! However, dogs should come when called
-- that's a matter of Safety! And similarly, they shouldn't Bite!
Moreover, not to housebreak pets is Just Lazy. Dog Owners are not
doing their pets any good by Neglecting to Teach Them these things.
The Poor Pugs! They deserve a Better Owner!
So, no, Dear Reader, your standards are not Too
High -- not in the slightest! The Dear Suitor's were Too Low.
Regards,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls:
Oh my gosh, I really need your help. Okay, here
goes.. written in my calendar for the day of Saturday, February
23, is a note that says, "Robin's B-Day Dinner." This
note was shorthand for, "My dear friend Robin is turning 50,
a momentous, unique (as in 'will only happen once in her life'),
and of course, very special occasion which she has chosen to spend
with her husband and only six of her close friends, including my
husband and me, at a very elegant downtown Los Angeles restaurant.
Robin will be wearing a floor length Bruno DuLuc gown that she has
purchased especially for this occasion. The designer, Bruno, will
also be in attendance with his new boyfriend. I should consider
wearing one of my Bruno dresses as well, because they are lovely
and it will make Bruno happy to see two of his friends in the clothing
he created. Cocktails at 8:00pm, followed by an intimate dinner."
Guess where I wasn't on Saturday night?
I have a list of excuses but the bottom line
is that both my husband and I simply spaced out and forgot about
the dinner party.
After being reminded of our date (too late) by
a message on our machine from the birthday girl wondering where
we were, I called and left a message on her home machine that night,
expressing my mortification. I haven't heard back from her. I want
to bring her a gift and card, again expressing my regrets. Is this
appropriate? What else can I do? Should I just drop the gift by
without knocking on the door? Help, I am in great pain over my grande
faux pas.
Forgetful Friend
Dear Forgetful Friend,
Oh My. Yes, Dear Reader, you have committed a
Major Faux Pas, Indeed. You must Take Steps Immediately to remedy
the situation! We'd suggest sending a Letter of Apology to her before
doing anything else. Be serious and formal, and try to convey How
Very, Very Sorry you are to have been So Absent-Minded. We wouldn't
send the gift along with the letter, however, as you wouldn't wish
to imply that the gift will Help Placate Her. Rather, you might
say that you hope she will accept Your Apology, and that while you
know you cannot make up for Missing Her Party, you would very much
like to take her out for lunch and apologize to her in person (you
may suggest a time and place). Hopefully, she will Forgive You and
Call You Up, accepting your invitation. (You'd then bring the gift
to lunch, and, of course, apologize.) However, if this does not
work, we would recommend stopping by with the gift, with a card.
Under No Circumstances should you just drop off the gift and run,
though-- ring the doorbell as you normally would. If she is Out,
or Pretending to Be Out, then you may leave the gift, but you must
not try to Duck Out of Seeing Your Friend.
We do hope she forgives you, Dear Reader. We
think she will. And, Dear Reader, it goes without saying -- in the
future, whenever you Make Plans with her, get there Early!
Good luck,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Greetings from THE University of North Carolina
where I am busily lobbying to have TYNTBT put on the required reading
list for all majors!
I have an irritating situation on which I would
like your opinion. Recently while Tossing Back a Few at my Local
Watering Hole at the end of the evening I went to close out my tab
and the new bartender who was feeling sassy said something to the
affect of "Girl, look at you not even leaving a tip!"
He neglected to realize that I had been putting tips in the tip
jar all evening. I explained this to him (although I feel that I
owe him no explanation after such a rude display) and he laughed
and I though that ugly episode was behind is. Unfortunately, I was
most incorrect. This weekend while at the same bar, the bartender
had the nerve to say, "Watch out for that girl, she doesn't
tip!" Even if this comment was in jest, I was most offended
and irritated. What do you suggest I do to remedy this problem?
Tipper
Dear Tipper,
You need to find Another Bar, Dear Reader, and
never Grace this Wretched Place avec Your Presence again. The Nerve
of that bartender! For Shame! The EGs think he should be Sacked.
Actually, Dear Reader, that's another option: if you love This Bar
and do not wish to Drink Elsewhere, you have every right to Have
a Word avec the Manager. This sort of behavior should Not Be Tolerated!
Best of luck getting TYNTBT on the Required Reading
List! Tee hee, if you're successful, let us know -- we'll be happy
to prepare some Essay Questions, Quizzes, etc.
Very truly yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
I am in Need of Some Advice on how to address
correspondence to an Older, Widowed, Very Proper lady. Luckily,
my note is written on Crane's, so I know the inside at least will
be Well Received. The outside, however, presents Something of a
Quandary...
You see, I know that the Most Proper way to address
a widow is "Mrs. John Smith," and that to address her
as "Mrs. Penelope Smith" might Imply that she was, in
fact, Divorced from Mr. John Smith. The difficulty in This Case
is that I Do Not Know the first name of her Late Husband, which
presents quite a difficulty in terms of addressing the letter properly.
On The Other Hand, it seems much more Improper to inquire as to
her Late Husband's First Name. What is the Best Course of Action?
Thank you,
Writer's Block
Dear Writer's Block,
Yes, you're correct, a Widow is Addressed as
Mrs. John Smith, not Mrs. Penelope Smith. And of course, one wouldn't
want to call her up and demand, "Hey, Penelope, what was Your
Dead Husband's Name?" Heavens, no. However, while it would
be Rather Bizarre to inquire of her, there's no reason you shouldn't
ask a Mutual Friend, or a member of Her Family. Also, do check the
Telephone Book-- perhaps the 'phone is still in Her Late Husband's
Name. (The EGs know a few Widows who do this, for Safety Reasons.)
We're sure that a Bit of Research will solve the problem!
As ever,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Either I have been horrible or one of my dear
friends has been horrible. I need your wisdom to help me sort it
all out.
My friend recently celebrated her birthday. I
baked her a selection of cookies as a gift. It was not an expensive
gift, but I thought it was still nice. I have heard from several
other friends that she was offended by my gift.
I am not a cheap person. Last year, my husband
was laid off from his job and my son was born. I am not one to complain
about my finances, but our friends did know about the job loss.
I also believe it is common knowledge that babies are wonderful,
but expensive.
Was my gift inappropriate? What should I say
when someone mentions my friend's unhappiness? I thought I was making
the best of a less than perfect situation.
Baker With the Best Intentions
Dear Baker With the Best Intentions,
*Scribble scribble.*
There. The EGs have just added your "friend"
to Our Running List of Terribly Rude People Who Deserve to be Pummeled
with Vintage Umbrella Handles. There is no question about it --
it is she who is Being Rude and Horrible! Not you, Dear Reader,
not in the slightest!
Dear Reader, the EGs have always thought that
Handmade Gifts are Wonderful. It doesn't matter how much money one
has or doesn't have-- a Handmade Gift requires Personal Effort,
and therefore is Always to Be Valued. So this girl would really
have preferred some Random Present you grabbed at the last minute
-- even knowing that it would Be a Hardship to you to buy it --
to a batch of Freshly Baked Cookies you prepared Especially for
Her? Gee, she doesn't sound like someone the EGs would want in Our
Inner Circle.
As for What to Say to Others, well, nobody really
has Any Business bringing up What You Gave Someone Else. If they
do happen to mention how much Phoebe disliked the cookies, say something
like, "Hmm, so I'm told." You should then Change the Subject.
If someone keeps Bugging You, going On and On about How Unhappy
Phoebe is, though, we'd Put Them in Their Place. "I am disappointed
as well, and surprised. Most people consider Hand-Made Gifts to
be More Thoughtful than Store-Bought Baubles."
We wish you the best, Dear Reader, and hope that
Your Husband finds a Terrific New Job soon!
Yours,
The Etiquette Grrls
Dear Etiquette Grrls,
Just a little thing I wanted to share with you...
http://www.bridalsneakerdesign.bigstep.com/homepage.html
[Note from the EGs: This page has been taken down,
so we removed the link. Hmm, maybe someone saw The Error of Their
Ways! However, this is close: http://elegantoriginals.bizhosting.com/ivory_originals_bridal_sneakers.html]
May God help us, please.
Best regards,
A Baffled Marinelly
Dear Marinelly,
THE HORROR, THE HORROR! The EGs have Knocked
Over the Cocktail Table and Scared the Living Daylights out of the
Etiquette Kitty in our haste to get to the Gin Bottle!
Now let us share something with you, Dear Reader.
It is of an Equally Distressing Nature:
http://store.yahoo.com/mmsw/jusmarlowrid.html
Let's take a moment here to Break This One Down:
1) White Bikinis = Pretty Darn Tacky
2) Swarovski Crystals on Pretty Much Anything
That's Not an Evening Dress (and that's Pushing It) = Also Rather
High on the Tacky Scale
3) Clothing with Writing Across the Derriere =
Shouldn't Even Exist
4) Clothing with Writing That Indicates One's
Marital Status = Ditto
5) A Single Article of Clothing Combining All
of the Above = Sign of the Impending Apocalypse!
Yours, Shaking With Dread,
The Etiquette Grrls
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